I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
