i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
