If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
