Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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