all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
