i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
