she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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