Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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