My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
