I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
