So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
