we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
