just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
