I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
