He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
