"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize