she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
How external is "for external use only"?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
