Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize