I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
