I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
