Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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