I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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