is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm too high and old for this...
I supernannyed him into submission
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
God I need to hump something, right now.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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