Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
