I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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