Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
