that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
