I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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