ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
