I think scott just propositioned me for sex
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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