lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
