my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
