Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
