Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
