Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
