I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
