youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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