when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
