im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize