Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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