You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
