do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I will pee on everything he values.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize