I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
