careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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