so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i think i have two assholes
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
