the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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