bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
