forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
In America we eat man semen.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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