Me. At least after what I've been through.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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