no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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