Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
