im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
