I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
