you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
it's great music for shaving your balls
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
