Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet

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(559): View more from California

I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?

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(212): View more from New York

Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"

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(917): View more from New York City

Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.

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(313): View more from Michigan

remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall

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(708): View more from Illinois

I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome

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(443): View more from Maryland

In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.

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(214): View more from Texas

Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic

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