Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
