I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
you never un-have a 4some
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
