Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
