I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just pee around me
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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