Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
