Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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