You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
