i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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