my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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