they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
