Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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