She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
