dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
