I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize