I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
