I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
