mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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