I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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