Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
